Monday, March 19, 2012

pregnancy weirds me out.

This week I was reading on baby center about my pregnancy.
It said something about how I should aim to gain {roughly} 12-14 pounds this trimester.
The key word in that sentence is "THIS" - which means within the next few months
I'll be packing on some L-B-S... and that TOTALLY freaks me out!

#1- Freaks me out because that's more than I've ever weighed
AND
#2- That's A LOT for such a short amount of time
(which totally gives me anxiety about stretch marks)
I know, I know! I'm soo weird! I'm pregnant...its OK to gain weight,
but I've always been such a control freak about working out and being fit... If my jeans felt snug,  I'd hit the gym a little harder and eat healthier... and because of that I've pretty much been at the same weight for about 7 years now. A weight I was comfortable with.

Now that's changing and for a health control freak- that's something that just 
weirds.me.out.

For the past month each week I've gotten on the scale and seen my weight increase
by 1 pound or so a week- which you're probably thinking "So? Good for you"
But whats really happening are my eyes POPPING out of my head
when I step on that dreaded ego killer.

This is a picture of me at 5 weeks. 
{Don't mind the half nakedness... I wanted a belly picture before it really started growing}


Here is me now at 4 1/2 months.
{picture taken this a.m. when I got off work}

(the bump is always bigger in the mornings now since I'm up all night)

Soo yeah, totally had a meltdown last week because of it all.
Go ahead, call me crazy pregnant...

My husband looked at my tummy and said "OH MY GOSH!"
 He pretty much couldn't get another word in when I immediately shot back with "I KNOW!!!"
...and then for some amazing prego hormone reason burst into tears.
Then he just sat there and hugged me while I literally bawled my eyes out
and said the only thing that could have probably put a smile on my face right then,
 "Babe, how about we go get you a donut?"


So thankful he's not completely deemed me as the crazy person that I am.
That he's so supportive and patient with me.
That he will buy me sympathy donuts when I'm having an emotional prego meltdown.
Literally makes me melt when he wraps his arms around me and whispers
"I'm holding my whole little family right here in my arms"

Here's to another 5 1/2 + months of an emotional roller-coaster ride!
In the months to come I'm going to try to enjoy this pregnancy for the beauty that it is...
Because it truly is a miracle and a blessing.
Because I have a feeling that I'll probably miss it a little once it's over
and I don't want to add this to the list of
"things I should have enjoyed more"

That list is already too long... and honestly this is life right here.
And what's life if you don't live it?




Photobucket

4 comments:

The Ditata's said...

This totally made me cry. Reason being because I can totally relate to what you are going through. Before I got pregnant I was totally buff and damn proud of it - border line 6 pack and all. I have the same 5 week picture as well. So let me just tell you... STOP STRESSING! I totally did and I think it's what totally screwed me up. Everything I ate I thought about the weight I was gaining. Every time I got on the scale I cried. I had to remind myself that I was growing a baby - a miracle. I was terrified of stretch marks... my WORST fear. I lotioned, oiled, did everything to prevent the hideous things and I got them at 37 weeks... on my belly... of all places!! By 39 weeks they still weren't bad, but then this little stubborn chick decided she wanted me to wait until 41 weeks and that's when I think they got bad. Every one tells me they aren't bad, but I will never look at myself the same, but she is a million times worth it! I beat myself up over them every day and I think it will take me a long time to get used to seeing them in the mirror. But my point is that I think I gave them to myself! I think I got a line for every time I thought about it. Also, in the beginning of my pregnancy I gained a ton of weight because I didn't know how much I should be eating, but then my body adjusted and I'd have weeks where I would lose 4 pounds. So don't beat yourself up about your weight gain because it is going to come and go. And as far as stretch marks go... don't worry about them because they'll come if they want to or not and if they do it'll just be a reminder of the home you created for your little boy or girl. If you ever need someone to talk to just let me know because I wish I had someone to talk to about this when I was pregnant! :)

Quirky Girl said...

Oh Amy I am right there with you! Thank you for being so honest in your blog. It's one of those selfish thoughts that runs through ALL of our heads while pregnant. I feel so unattractive and dread stepping on a scale (especially with TWINS) but I constantly have to remind myself that the end product will be worth it. Love you and can't wait for some prenatal yoga to soothe our thoughts and hormones :)

Amy said...

Thank you Kelly!! You're such a sweetheart. Glad to know I'm not the only one with some prego anxieties! And you are absolutely right- it's a home for the little bundle to come! 110% worth every pound and stretch mark :)

Quirky Girl- thank you! Definitely a selfish thought and a bit hard to adjust to sometimes but the end result will be amazing & so worth it! So thankful for the blessing in life to even be pregnant & just trying to enjoy it everyday. Congrats on twins!! So very exciting! Ohh & absolutely looking forward to prenatal yoga!

Foxs said...

Oh Amy! Reading this brought back so many memories of feeling horrible about my body for most of my pregnancy. I am sure EVERY pregnant women goes through it. I remember my first real melt down, when my clothes really stopped fitting and I felt just down right FAT!! Hang in there! You are beautiful! And young!! And your body will bounce right back before you know it!
P.s. It was fun seeing you yesterday. You looked great, really. I wish I looked that good at 17 weeks!!

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